Proud of Papa Buddy

Congratulations to Lynn Arbuckle, Dave Blair, and Marc Walker for receiving another patent. This one is for the Apex Audio router. http://www.grassvalley.com/products/routers/apex/ Even though it takes a half hour for him to explain to me what this does and the schematics cover pages, I am so proud of his accomplishments!

Here is some bits of wisdom that I've learned from dad regarding his work.

• When you have a problem that seems unsurmountable sleep on it and give it a little time. Many times the answer will pop into your head after a good night's sleep.
• He's a team player. You never see just his name on a patent. He's not in it for the glory. (whatever glory there is in router patents etc.) He's even turned down opportunities for management because that's not what he does best.
• Balance. He works hard from 9 to 5 but then comes home and switches gears.

Porter Update

I'm always doing updates of Hyrum and Porter probably sounds like a scared, pathetic afterthought in our family. Really he's a mostly normal happy little kid who loves animals, is thrilled to learn new things, is not thrilled to do chores and loves to play with friends.

We had a great time at his Halloween party at school. (I'm the head room parent.) He dressed up at Luigi for Halloween and got lots of candy trick or treating.

After family therapy on Friday, we got to go out to Pizza at the new Pizza Pie Cafe in Provo. Our friends Melanie and Cory manage it. It was so fun to see them and their little one Jayden. Porter has even nicknamed him "Jayders." Pizza is one of Porter's favorite foods. It's all you can eat and Porter can pack away a surprising amount for a 5 year old!

We've been trying to encourage reverence during prayers for Porter. We got some gormet jelly beans and if he is reverent through the whole prayer, he gets one. If he says the prayer, he gets two. After church Jason asked him if he got a jelly bean or not. Porter said "yes." Jason said "Were your eyes closed the during the whole prayer?" (knowing they weren't) Porter said that even if we saw his eyes open, his spirit's eyes were closed the whole time. What can you say to that?

Our weekend

Jason sent this update to Tom, Hyrum's therapist, down at the state hospital in an email. I thought maybe our families and friends might be interested in how the weekend was too.

"Hyrum's yellow behavior on Saturday stemmed from an argument between he and his brother over the Nintendo. Hyrum recently has wanted to play the Nintendo alone and we told him that he needed to share with his brother. He got upset about this and stomped up to his room. It took him nearly 1/2 hour to calm down.

On Sunday, he started acting up just before church. He had been out front playing and when we told him it was time to come in and get ready for church he said that he was too tired to do so. He eventually got into church clothes and went to church, although he was a bit hyper during church, it was not terrible. After church we went to Wendy's parents for dinner (right in the neighborhood) and he was very non-compliant there. After this Wendy took him to my brother's house (also in the neighborhood) to play for about 1/2 an hour with his cousins. When the time came to leave he threw a fit and jumped up on top of the car and made it very hard for Wendy to get him in the car. Wendy then took him back to her Mom's for Grandma to take him back to Provo. When he found out that was where he was going he grabbed Wendy by the neck from the back seat of the car. Wendy had to send Porter in to Grandma's to get some help getting him off of her and into Grandma's car (I was still at the church counting the receipts.) Wendy said at this point it became one of the worst fits she has seen him throw, getting him into Grandma's car to head back to the unit.

So, in summary, Friday and Saturday were not too bad but from about 11:00 Sunday he was very difficult. It could have been Halloween, but whatever it was he was very wound up and difficult."

This is what I added to Jason's email.

"I just wanted to add one thing to the story. We had homemade chili and bread at my mom's house. Hyrum chose not to eat more than 3 bites of chili and no bread. This was his decision in spite of being warned that this was dinner. We briefly stopped at home between grandma's house and aunt Rachel's. At home he wanted me to prepare him more food because he was hungry. It wasn't just him, his brother said the same thing. I told them that dinner was at grandmas and that if they wanted a snack, they could have anything in the kitchen that they could make themselves. Hyrum got some cold cereal and porter made himself a ham sandwich.

Aunt Rachel was just getting ready for a dinner party and Hyrum was trying to get food from her too. I told him that we had already had dinner and that it was time for us to leave. (I had previously given a 5 minute warning) Aunt Rachel said that her kids had the same rule about eating dinner.

He was enraged when he ran up the car and sat on top. He pulled off his wristband and threw it along with his shoes. (speaking with all the body language he could of how angry he was) His brother was too scared to get into the car with an upset Hyrum on top. I told him that this was damaging property (dents in our car) and that this was level 2 behavior. (he responded by trying to tell me that there were no dents - trying to distract me from the real issue - his behavior) He was reluctant to get into the car and after instructing him to do so multiple times, I told him that my patience was at an end and that it was time to go back to Provo. (I'm not sure that he heard me through the tantrum because he was surprised when I pulled up to my parents house for grandma to take him back to Provo.)

Grabbing my neck was more a terror-hug thing. He was crying and saying how scared he was and that he just wanted to talk to me. Regardless, it took my father physically putting him in the car; me threatening that if he wasn't safe on the car ride, he wouldn't be allowed to come back next week-end to get him to go.

We're left with a sense of failure and questions about what we could have done differently. Also, we have a traumatized Porter who wouldn't leave my side the rest of the night, is having nightmares and coming into sleep with mom and dad almost every night.

The neighborhood kids frequently report being scared of Hyrum. I think that it's because he violates their personal space and gets right up in their face and yells. He's loud and unpredictable. He thinks that it's funny and laughs but it's not making him popular with the kids. They are often reluctant to play with Porter if Hyrum is home. "

We meet with a Neuropsycologist on Wednesday about some responses she's had from Hyrum on some very specific therapies. We're hoping that she can nail down some of the diagnosis. I think that she is thinking Autism but we've been down that road before. I wish they had some concrete way to diagnose Autism or a mental illness. I'm a numbers kind of gal and like black and white. Too bad that the world of mental illness is all about shades of gray.

Porter-isms

It is red ribbon week at school this week. Monday, Porter comes home from Kindergarten and excitedly tells me "mom, we're doing free drugs at school." I think he meant to say something about being drug free but it is so much more interesting the way he said it.

Other words Porter has coined for us are:
"Snackrament" for Sacrament
"Bathtism" for Baptism
and mom is dad's "life" for wife

So glad I married him!

Do you ever look back on your life and have regrets? One thing that I never regret is having married Jason. He is wonderful. I've had the stomach flu over the weekend and he took care of me and the boys too. We think alike. I don't know if it's a "time being married" thing or just us but often I will pick up the phone to call him and it rings in my hand and he's there.

He's working so hard to keep our family solvent while Hyrum is getting the treatment he needs. I'm so proud of him. While he is teaching two classes at LDS business college at night, he prepares for taking additional sections of the CPA exam in November. He also teaches an adult education class at the local high school. He's doing so well at his full time IRS job too. He's been selected to write next year's continuing education materials for the IRS agents in the western region. (he wouldn't like me telling that so pretend that you don't know, he never reads the blog anyway) He runs full speed all week long and then on the week-ends runs right into the train wreck that is our home life. His regret is that he can't spend more time with us and he vows that he will never again teach so many classes in one semester. He's a good man who still finds time to study the scriptures and pray. I married someone up to the challenge of life and I'm ever grateful that I did.

Update on Hyrum's Treatment

Prozac seemed to be working and even cautiously upping the dose, he was doing so well that we were getting close to setting a date for release. Then we started noticing that he was having unpredictable moods and extreme hyperactivity. Something as simple as "pass the salt" could mean an explosion from him or a tearful accusation. Dr. Burris offered us the option of adding a mood stable-izer on top of the Prozac but we've done that before and it hasn't helped. So it seems that if we treat the anxiety, his moods de-stabelize. And if we don't treat the anxiety, he has no quality of life. What to do? For now, we are lowering the dose of Prozac with the goal of removing it altogether and trying another medication instead. That means more time at the State Hospital.

We go through times when I'm doing better and times when I don't think that I can take it anymore. Maybe because my hopes were up, I'm having trouble lately. I wonder what his day was like. What did he have for dinner? Did he play outside? Who is his favorite friend to play with? Did one of the techs read him a story and tuck him in tonight? Will he hate us forever because of our putting him there? Did we do the right thing? Questions Questions

Cabin Trip

The weather was beautiful for our retreat to the mountains this week-end. It's funny how we stay busy without the TV and telephone. Here some of what we did.

• Provo River Falls
  

• Hiked around Mirror lake and saw a Bald Eagle up close! (Porter's idea of heaven, the bird not the hike)
• Built Jason's beehive boxes
• Made dart guns out of PVC pipe and old magazines

• Rode in the back of a pickup truck
• Talked to the ranger
• Went to Walmart in Evanston, WY

• Wendy and the boys paddled a canoe around. See the dog in the middle? Porter and I did an animal rescue (just like Diego). As we went along, our dog, Denali, bounded along on the bank. Just after the beaver house we heard a "yip" and she was gone. After calling and getting no response, we paddled to the side and disembarked to save her from one of tunnel holes that the beaver had dug and then had collapsed. We loaded a wet dog on to the canoe and she got to ride in style back to the cabin.




• General craziness and hijinks

We are so lucky and blessed to have a cabin to go to but more importantly to have this precious time together!

Porter's First Day of School

Porter is in Kindergarten! He picked out a satchel book bag "just like Indiana Jones" he informs me. Oak Hills is hiring another teacher so Porter will have whoever that is. The beauty of a new teacher is that there is only slated to be 14 kids in his class. I love it.

We had orientation today and there is pre-testing all week so next week will start the first real days in school.

Hey! Be nice to yourself!

Friday afternoon I got some results from a blood test showing that I am "early stage diabetic." I was devastated. I know that it means some big changes in the way that I live and I didn't feel ready to cope with it.

The rest of Friday and Saturday I had a headache. It didn't respond to medication or sleep or anything. I knew it was somehow related to the diabetic news. At 5am on Sunday, still suffering from the headache I figured out what it was. I completely blame myself for becoming diabetic.

I should have exercised more, and watched what I ate better. Diabetes is prevalent in my family and I can't recall how many times my mom told me to be careful and not get overweight or I will become diabetic. In her family, diabetes can mean death. How could I completely ignore her warnings and become diabetic at age 35? It's like the beginning of the end.

Not forgiving myself was what was wrong!

It's better now. I realize that the Savior's atonement can apply even to forgiving ourselves. I couldn't do it by myself. We all make mistakes and beating ourselves up about it isn't part of the plan. So.........be nice to yourself. There is only one you and you are important to me. (and probably a whole lot of other people too) Wendy

4th of July

Becca, Misty, and Kim at the BBQ


Hryum and Jason listening to the choir sing at the ward breakfast.
Don't look so excited Hyrum!



Mike F. & Jason and Hryum




The kids getting ready for the ward "parade"


Any of you who know Mike Mayfield, our neighbor, know that he is a born story-teller. Before our annual "street of fire" BBQ he told the kids his version of the reason we celebrate Independence Day. Here is a bit of what he told the kids before we ate..........



"All right kids ... the 4th of July is a pretty big deal. Why? Because back in 1776, England started pushing us around. They made us pay taxes, they made us wear funny wigs, they made us drink crazy tea, and finally America said, 'Dudes! We're not going to do this anymore.' So on the 4th of July in 1776, we wrote 'em a pretty nasty little letter. It was called the Declaration of Independence. It said, 'Dear England, thanks for Harry Potter in the future but we don't want your stinkin' taxes, your funny wigs or your bad tea. We don't even want to be part of your country any more. So take that. Kiss off. Love, America.' And then they signed it. Some of our founding fathers weren't as brave as the others. They signed it pretty small. But John Hancock signed it in big ol' letters so King George wouldn't have to use his glasses to read his name.



"When King George got the letter, he was so mad that he sent the largest army in the world to come fight our guys. Their army had big guns and matching red coats. Our guys had little guns and no shoes, but they loved America and they were ready to take on that big army so we could be free. Fortunately, we were smarter than the British so we got 'em surrounded and then we said, 'Take your red coats and bad teeth back to England and don't come back until 1812.' And that is how America started kicking butt. "


Thanks to Misty for preserving a bit of Mike wisdom for posterity. I bet the kids will remember better than learing this stuff in a dry old text book. Next holiday I'll send the kids over for more history lessons. What do you think he might tell them for Halloween?

Porter is Five!

August 10th, 2009. Porter had his first friend birthday party. It was an animal theme of course. He’s been playing Leapster and checking out tons of books from the library on animals. He is a self proclaimed “animal genius.”

I remember 5 years ago traveling to Spokane, WA to pick him up at Deaconess hospital and how HOT it was there. (in the 100’s every day) It was so beautiful with all the pine trees and lakes and streams.

When Melanie put Porter in my arms and Jason left to go get Hyrum I had a minute with this precious little one. Porter smiled at me. I know you’ll say that newborns can’t smile at that age but I swear he did! He was born knowing how to smile and that is a hallmark of his life so far. He’s a laid back, happy kid who likes to tease and have fun. He is such a blessing in our lives. I know we couldn’t do without him. We love you Porter.

Family Reunion at Bear Lake

Papa Buddy rented this really cool lodge (www.laketownlodge.com) for the week-end and all the Arbuckle siblings and their kids came for a get together. Wendy’s cousin, Gina Baker and her husband, Shane also came and took family photos and had a blast.


Porter and Ashlynn playing in the sand and water

Hyrum

Lindsay and Jason and Noah came all the way from Conneticut

I think Porter and Hyrum really loved the theatre room downstairs. I loved when the kids went to bed and I had people to play games with and just talk and hang out.

Porter's Best Friends

Without Hyrum home this summer, Porter has really come out of his shell and made some friends. Some of his best friends are: Liam, Will, and Cameron. They are so much fun and can’t wait to start Kindergarten this fall.

Liam and Porter
Cam and Porter

Will

Porter's Summer at the Tracy Aviary

We become member of the Tracy Aviary every year because it only costs $40 for a whole family for an entire year. Not only do you get to go to the Aviary but you get into the Zoo once a month free and Dinosaur Park in Odgen is free weekdays also there are discounts at many other places. It simply pays to get it. Porter loves birds so the aviary is HEAVEN for him. He has told me repeatedly this summer that he would like to live there. We take turns taking a friend with him or just mom and Porter go.

Quick trip to St. George

Hyrum asked if God lives up there. I'm glad he noticed God's hand in nature.

Playing at the library splash pad park.

Datan Reid is growing up. He starts Kindergarten at the same time as Porter this fall. Crazy!

Moriella and Jason. This is a special little girl. Jason usually says that we don't need any more kids but after being around this little one, he says we need a little girl. Thank you little princess!

Can we say cold?

Jason and Chris Reid put in sprinklers in the Reids back yard in one day! When the kids got restless, Simcah and I took them to the park. It was positively balmy for Bountiful, in the 80's but cold for St. George this time of year.

We had a ton of fun, unfortunately Hyrum got violent on the way back to the unit so he won't be coming home this next week-end for Jason's birthday. We'll just bring the party to him on Saturday. I'm so proud of him and all the progress he is making.

Bedtimes are hard for Hyrum. Jason was trying to get him to calm down enough to get to sleep. Hyrum was asking about his favorite topic, "Will I get to come home next weekend?" and "When will I be release to come home for good?" When Jason suggested a prayer to ask God to help him be good so that he can come home on his next home visit and to help him get released soon he said, "What do you think I've been praying for every night since I got to the unit!?! God does nothing, he just sits up there and watches."

My heart aches for him. Unfortunately, he was in no mood to discuss things right then. We all develop faith by small steps and by having our prayers answered. God's not answering our prayers right away and in the exact way that we want is such an adult question to have to deal with for a 7 year old.

Please God, help and bless my little one.

Bugs, frogs and family

For those who would like a cheap and fun activity, the Utah Museum of Natural History is free on the first Monday of the month. It's located up at the U. They have a really cool bug exhibit as well as the minerals and dinosaurs that have been there forever. They also have a frog exhibit for the summer with live frogs. Porter, being really into critters, really enjoyed this family home evening activity!

Memorial Day weekend at the Cabin

Jason passing on his Pyro skills.
Intrepid explorers

My Porter

We opened cabin 26 for the season. We love the Uintas, we could live here if it wasn't for the little problem of making a living.

Mother's Day Week-end

Hyrum did so well this week-end. We've had some bad times recently where when we leave the unit we have to have 3-4 staff members hold him back while he is hysterically crying. We haven't been able to have him home for awhile since his behavior has been dangerous. This week-end however, the whole family visited on Saturday and then again on Sunday and he was happy and calm.

We love the grounds at the hospital. It's gorgeous and every Saturday you will see couples and photographers taking picutres there for wedding announcements etc. This is one of the ponds. I'll have to get the camera fixed soon so that you can see the catch and release fish pond. Our kids are getting spoiled for fishing anywhere else. They get a fish on just about every cast!

Where did they go????

Okay so it's been awhile since I've updated the blog. I have some good excuses if you would like to hear them.

Wendy's top 10 reasons why she didn't update the blog
10. Hyrum got Hennoch-Scholine Pepura and we had to spend a bunch of time in hospitals
9. We dropped the digital camera and now it turns on but won't open. (I like Julie's suggestion that we just drop it again and see if the problem clears up... very scientific!)
8. I directed the Tolman Elementary school musical performed at Viewmont High School.
7. We've been in therapy trying to hone our keen parenting skills.
6. Jason took and passed the regulatory section of the CPA exam.
5. We've planted a garden
4. We've waged battle on the overgrown yard. We've installed sprinklers and cut down on the amount of flower beds in the yard by planting more grass.
3. Jason used his handyman skills on a broken water heater, a broken bed, the swamp cooler and his dad's sprinkers.
2. I've been waiting for some good news to post about Hyrum. I'm still waiting.
1. I'm just lazy!

We love you all even though we're not the greatest in keeping in touch. Keep the faith!
-Wendy

Tolman's school musical

Wendy directed "The Amazing Human Race" at Tolman Elementary. It was performed April 4th at Viewmont High's auditorium. Kids are the best!

Who Needs WII Fit?

Our first visit

We got to see Hyrum today! We brought "Bendaroos" to build with but the best thing that we brought was his brother.

Porter had gotten a Star Wars action figure during the week and true to form we couldn't get just one. We had to get one for his brother too. It didn't take long and Hyrum and Porter were playing just like they do at home.

Hyrum is a lot calmer than we have seen him when he is in-patient. He was really trying to re-direct his thoughts from "When am I going home?" and "When are you coming again?" He didn't even have to be restrained when we left after a two hour visit. Next week we hope that he will be a level two so he will be able to participate in scouts, primary and swimming.

I just drank the sight of him in. No amount of phone calls or reports from the social worker beat seeing him in person. :)

Utah State Hospital

Monday January 5th we admitted Hyrum to the Utah State Hospital. I left a piece of my heart there in Provo with my son.

The admitting process was really long with tons of in-depth questions such as; "How old was Hyrum when he walked, talked, etc?", "What medications has he been on at what dosages and dates?", "Why were they administered and why were they discontinued?" I left my house at 8:30am dropped off Porter at the Williamsen's and then picked up Jason after teaching his class at LDS Business College. We didn't get home until 5:00pm because of the long intake process and the snow made the drive home slow. We didn't eat all day and then with emotions etc, I felt sick by the time we arrived home.

It's hard for me not to know what is going on with him. When we talk to Hyrum at night, he just cries and says he wants to go home and then says I love you goodbye. We don't get any details. I know that he doesn't spend his whole day crying but it's hard to picture what he is doing. His social worker, Thomas Payne, gave us some idea of the children's schedule.

7am wake, shower, and breakfast

8:30 school

12:15 lunch
12:45 school

2:30 return to unit

3:00 break/ snack time

group therapy

5:00 dinner

recreation therapy, scouts, etc

8:00 bedtime

I have to keep reminding myself that sadness is temporary and that things will get better. I will feel like laughing and singing and dancing again someday. After all, I am not the first mother to put Hyrum in God's hands and trust Him that things will work out for the best. If his sweet birthmother could do it, I can too.