My life as a short order cook

Yes, it is sort of flattering that Hyrum eats whatever I make but this is getting ridiculous. He is constantly hungry. He eats dinner with us and then when we visit grandma or aunt Rachel or aunt Jan's, he begs for food there. Just for lunch today so far he has eaten a whole BK chicken nugget kids meal and two peanut butter sandwiches!

His size 8 pants no longer fit and when we tried the size 10's I had waiting for him to grow into, the waist was too small and the legs were too long. This is the same trouble I ran into when he was a baby. I had to get pants big and then sew them shorter so that they would fit both his waist and leg length. I'm thinking that it's a side effect of one of the medications because the kid is definitely active!

Snow Snow Snow

The winter break is offically here and Hyrum and Porter love the snow. They think sledding in the back yard is the greatest fun! Their enthusiasm is so fun to watch as they roll around in it and do snow angels etc. What a miracle the snow is.

Inspiring Thought

Jason found this and put it on our computer as a background. I thought you all might enjoy our warped sense of humor too.

Up in the air again!

Do ya ever get sick of being an adult? I just want to be a kid and not be required to make hard decisions every day.

The director of the Children's Unit at the hospital called us last night and said that the psychiatrist that will be working with Hyrum will be out of town on the 29th. So would we like to choose another date. To push it back may take me over the edge to where I need treatment too. We've been living in crisis mode for about two months now and desparately need some semblance of normalcy. So, today we told him that even if that person was out of town we would still like to do it on the 29th. Well, he nicely told me that that was not an option. So the first that we would be able to get Hyrum in down there would be January 5th.

Jason starts his new additional job teaching at LDS business college that day. Talk about stress! I guess that we just take it one day at a time. Lord give us strength! Thank goodness for great friends and family.

State Hospital on the 29th of December

We've been on an emotional roller-coaster trying to do what's best for our little Hyrum. We visited Wasatch Canyons and felt confused and reluctant to send him there. When we finally made the decision not to send Hyrum there, we felt like a burden was lifted. So that left two options;

1. to take him back home and just do the best we can until next time we have to admit him to UNI or
2. to send him to the State Hospital for longer term treatment.

Our preference would be to have Hyrum at home but we decided to pray about it. In the midst of this decision a further factor was added to the equation. We found out that Hyrum has been hearing a voice. The voice is a little girl and she doesn't tell him to hurt anyone she just tells him he is stupid etc. According to Dr. Susan Wiet at Kidstar there are a couple of reasons Hyrum could be hearing a voice (which evidently has been going on for quite awhile at least a couple of months.)

• Untreated severe anxiety (I take exception to the untreated part, what exactly have we been doing for the last 3 years!)
• Untreated severe mood disorder (ditto on the untreated part)
• the onset of Schizophrenia
• the side effect of one of the drugs he is taking

We decided to visit the Utah State Hospital in Provo to see what it was like. It's located on a beautiful campus with lots of grass at the base of the mountains at the top of center street. Evidently Utah is one of the few states that has a separate unit just for children.

We entered the children's building and saw hundreds of stuffed Santas of every description lining both sides of the halls and main office. Someone collects Santas and decorates the Children's unit every year for Christmas. It was enchanting.

We toured through the bedrooms (like a dorm) and the bathrooms and social room. There is a separate building for school and a playground right outside. They believe in recreation therapy and the kids get to fish is the fishing pond on campus, learn to ride and care for horses in Park City, and learn to ski. The kids are also encouraged to visit home regularly and practice what they learn in group and individual therapy.

Hyrum's treatment team at Kidstar highly recommended the State Hospital as a good fit for Hyrum. They would like to see them remove all drugs from his system and see what his mental illness looks like without any meds. Then they could re-build the meds from the symptoms that they see. There is no where else that you could do that but up there are the state hospital because of the time required and the medical attention necessary.

We felt so good after having visited. Even though we would like Hyrum home with all our hearts, he is not getting better at home and we would like to give him a chance while he is young to do the best he can with the cards that he's been dealt.

So the paperwork took a little while and then we didn't want him to miss Christmas with the family so today we learned the date that he will be admitted is Monday, December 29th.

Hyrum doesn't know yet. He tends to obsess about things like this. It's going to be hard to explain why he needs to go there. It's not that he's a bad kid or something we just want him to get better. Now that we have a date, we can decide when it's best to tell him.

Holiday Songs for the Disturbed

1. Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder -- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia -- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic -- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic -- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and....

6. Paranoid -- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality -- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder -- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder -- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy, can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells....

Hyrum home for now

In spite of a few setbacks, Hyrum was transferred to UNI's day treatment program, Kidstar. That means we get him home nights and weekends for awhile until an opening becomes available up at Wasatch Canyons (Primary Children's residential progam)

So far, so good. We really enjoy working with the treatment team at Kidstar and it's nice to be back where friends know his whole history. Just to make sure that we've covered this from every angle, Dr Susan Wiet has recommended that we get an MRI done on Hyrum. That is scheduled for Wednesday, November 26th.

The primary kids in the Barton Creek ward made a giant "feel better soon" poster for Hyrum. We've hung it in his room. It was really fun for us to go through and see the pictures and notes from the kids.

Hyrum's LOA

Instead of realeasing Hyrum to us over the week-end the treatment team decided to do a trial for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday to see how it went. They called it a Leave of Absence (LOA)

We took Hyrum to Liberty park and the Tracy Aviary this afternoon. Things went pretty well until we gave him the 10 minute warning that it was soon time to head back up to UNI. That wasn't the part that upset him though, it was when he discovered that we weren't going to turn right around in an hour and visit him at dinner time like we usually do. Then he started crying and hitting his dad. JJ had to carry him back to the car.

As much as he would like to come home for a visit tomorrow, he said he would rather have us just come and visit at dinner. He is so rigid that any little deviation from what he expects really causes trauma.

It's really good to know how he will behave when thrown a small curve ball. I was still unsure about residential treatment for him. This really showed me that although his anxiety is much better, he will be unable to live a normal life because life doesn't always go exactly the way we plan in our heads.

Hyrum Home?

We've heard rumors that Hyrum may be coming home on a trial basis over the week-end.

Our visit with him last night went really well. He is so much more calm and happy than when we first took him there. They are still working on his meds, but think that they have at least one of them right on.

We're just going to make it a quiet family week-end. I don't think that we will try church yet. I don't want to push it but I'm really excited to have him home again for however long we get him.

Jason's Toy Truck

Brother Muray in our ward gave Jason this truck. Formerly a Thiakol vehicle, it's just what Jason needs for all of his projects that he likes to do ie. hauling wood, helping people move, camping, trips to the dump etc. We need to get it to the mechanic and get some new tires before driving it but he just can't wait for summer so that he and the boys can take off to the mountains!

That's my Grammie!

Hey, take a look at this bike. Want one? Me too! It's a Bob Ashdown original. What a way to travel!

Hyrum at UNI

Well, we knew it was coming but it doesn't make it easy. After a very physical battle to try to get Hyrum on the bus this morning, we made the decision to admit him again to the University Neuropsych Institute. His anxiety has become so severe that it's debilitating. He really wouldn't leave the house without a big fight.

Hyrum and I had a talk after getting calmed down after the bus fight and he chose to go to UNI. I told him that he must feel pretty bad inside to chose to be admitted again. He agreed.

I am okay with this as long as I keep thinking about what's best for him. If I start to focus on my own feelings, I break down. I can't really write more about it now because the pain is still too raw. I miss my baby.

-Wendy

Can you find me?

I've always thought that Porter had amazing eyes. He's playing in our backyard with Hyrum and you know that he's got his little mischievous grin with dimples hidden behind the leaves.

What's most important?

Hyrum has been struggling lately. That means that his temper and moods are really unpredictable. He was so violent and out of control that we actually called UNI to find out if they had room for him on Tuesday night. The battle with him went on for hours and resulted in my home looking like a war zone.

We have been warned by the professionals that we are to expect relapses and be prepared for him to be admitted to the hospital again. This time they feel that, if admitted, he would benefit from a long-term facility.(The state mental hospital in Provo) There are a limited number of beds at the state hospital so he would be treated at UNI until there is room for him down there.

I know that I cannot admit my 6-year-old son to the state hospital without God's help. It tore me apart to have him at UNI and when there, I could see him every day. God knows what is best for Hyrum and this family and I wish it was just to heal him from this sickness. Nevertheless, He sees the whole picture and knows what must be for the good of all involved.

Here's a question that I've been thinking a lot about lately: "If you only had a little time left with your child, what would you want him to know?" I came up with a list of six things. I made a little book for Hyrum of some picures and sayings and I hope that they will get into his mind and heart from his mom even if nothing else does.

1. I know God lives.


2. I know He loves me and He loves you!


3. I know He hears me and He answers when I pray.


4. I know His Son, Jesus Christ, is my redeemer.


5. Jesus Christ suffered for our sins so that we may live with God again someday.


6. Jesus Christ died and was resurrected so that we too could live again.


I tried to keep it short. It's funny how as a parent you so want to cram everything you know into your kids so we wax eloquent and lose the kid in our loquaciousness. :)

Anyone else think of something that you would add to the list? Jason thought that we should put in there something about the evidence of Hebrew speaking structure in the book of Enos but that's just him!!!

Who's bed is this???

Both boys had a nightmare the same night. In the morning, I took this picture. It was even better when the white, fluffy dog was on there too. Is there any room for mom and dad?

Good to be here

I got a call from Hyrum's teacher about 12:30pm today. He fell off the slide at recess and landed face first in the wood chips. He's fine but was upset and has scratchs on the right side of his face. I checked him out when I took Porter to preschool and let him come home and get a nap. I think the scare was worse than the actual fall.

Often I think that it would be good to get a job, even a part time one, to help with the finances. On days like today, I'm really glad to be here when I am needed!

Boys' campout

We've had a fun summer. JJ took the boys camping up Farmington canyon one night so that mom could have a break. Camping is something that all of us can enjoy as that it doesn't involve crowds (Hyrum) and it's outdoors (JJ and Wendy)

We here at the Steenblik's don't believe in consistent sleep. It's now 3:30am and at least I can work on figuring out how to blog while I'm up with a wide awake Hyrum.

Hyrum has struggled since birth with sleeping. In our appointment with his psychiatrist on Friday, she talked about how he may be experiencing cycling moods (like manic/depressives do) which will make him not sleep at all for manic periods and then sleep too much on the down side. Frankly, I welcome the times that he sleeps too much. But you gotta just remember when I'm writing this.

For those of you who don't know, Hyrum has been diagnosed with severe anxiety. There are so many different types. The ones that he has specifically been diagnosed with are: Generalized anxiety, Social Phobia, Separation anxiety & Obsessive/Compulsive disorder. They also think that he may be bi-polar but that is really hard to diagnose at age 6. Right now we are targeting the anxiety with the drugs so that he can function. My goal is that we can get on the school bus in the morning without all the ritual crying, begging, pleading, feeling sick and general drama.

Well gotta go, I'm going to try snuggling him back to sleep now that he's had some food and a little awake time. Later all, or earlier, depending on your point of view.

Hey everyone! You've reached the Steenblik family blog. We are so pleased to have you here to enjoy our everyday antics with us.